You know what's always a good idea? Trying to revive movie franchises from the 1960s. Especially when the original series included five films (with the original being the only good one), and when there's already been both a failed remake/relaunch, Tim Burton's Marky Mark-infused Planet Of The Apes (2001) and a failed television series. Which brings to mind a question: is this a prequel to the original film, or the remake, or a relaunch of the series? I don't know! I'm a caveman, that's the way I think.
Just for poops and giggles, we can come up with some names for inevitable sequels for more Apes movies. Pizza Place Of The Planet Of The Apes? What Do They Have In The Zoos On The Planet Of The Apes? Are Monkeys Second-Class Citizens On The Planet Of The Apes? I Bet The Body Odor Is Pretty Bad On The Planet Of The Apes? I can go on forever, baby.
Moving on to the trailer, though, it's just awful. We've got James Franco running around -- it looks like he's grown back his other arm, though, so that's good -- talking to a boardroom of people about how he's developed some sciencey fluid that can make you faster, stronger, better, something like that, which we all know is going to be improperly formulated/wrongly used with disastrous results. For some reason he keeps this development in sealed canisters that look like the ooze from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II (1991).It's an original concept; that doesn't bring any other film to mind.
And the name of this miracle cure? Why, The Cure, a phrase which doesn't have any additional unwanted connotations whatsoever.
If there's one thing this movie's got going for it, it's John Lithgow, who loves Creedence and would like to see something really scary. Also, General Striker, who apparently hasn't learned his lesson from the first time he mixed science with animals.
It looks like a good chunk of the early parts of the film will be footage of monkeys doing un-monkey-like things. Such as reading books! Drawing with crayons! Spelling names (even though the monkey's name is Cesar, not Jacob. Maybe he's a big Twilight fan)! Normal monkeys cannot do these things. Which is why it's interesting.
As the film progresses, conflict will arise when the company supplying the monkey brain juice gets ornery over who owns the rights to the primates. So the monkey is RoboCop and the scientists are Omni Consumer Products. It's not an ordinary monkey; it's cyborgmonkey. It's their product. Also, in this analogy the viewer is still the viewer, but has been bilked out of $9.75 plus any money spent towards snacks and drinks.
Pay attention to the CGI used for the monkeys. Doesn't it look terrible? It just looks bad. The dinosaurs in Jurassic Park looked more realistic and that CGI is eighteen years old. Also, dinosaurs are extinct. Why didn't they just get real monkeys? Monkeys can be trained. For a good example, watch Two And A Half Men.
I presume the ending of the film sees the monkeys growing increasingly pissed until they start a monkey uprising and begin hurling enormous wrenches at police cars. And according to the trailer, they will also all become Mighty Joe Young.
There were be a twist ending, though, when the monkeys somehow win. Because, really, you know what's a good way to put down a monkey uprising? Shoot the monkeys! They're monkeys! Just shoot them!
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